how to melt your baby thoroughbred's brain

1. Have a good long ride in the ring, and when you're done, don't hop off and untack, take the horse for a ride down the road!

2. When passing the barn down the road with huge gorgeous fields of grass, do not let your horse persuade you to leave here there.

3. Ride her into a field where there are approx. 15 deer.

4. Somehow manage not to fall off when she spins and bolts even though you lose both stirrups (hell yeah!!!).

5. While hanging on for dear (deer?) life, make her STOP and turn to face The Evil Horse-eating Deer.

6. Decide it's best to hop off while the going's good and then giggle at the fact that your 1000+ lb horse is trembling at the sight of some overgrown goats.

7. Once horse has gotten over herself, get back on and proceed to make her walk all the way back to the barn.

8. While en-route back to the barn, pass two cute boys weedwhacking on the side of the road. Watch little pieces of grass and dirt fly across the road and once again feel your horse tremble a bit.

9. Get past the weedwhackers without theatrics and notice a huge truck and trailer coming towards you.

10. Not just a trailer, but a black metal wire landscaping trailer. That rattles. And shakes. And it rapidly approaching.

11. By rapidly, I mean like 40mph.

12. Does the driver slow down? Of course not. Give the driver the finger as horse does the cha-cha beneath you.

13. Landscaping trailer makes a huge BOOM! noise right as it goes past you. Horses brain is basically pouring out of the side of her head at this point.

14. Get back to the barn and untack the horse. Put her in the wash stall. Give her a bath. Yes I am evil.

15. FLY SPRAY.

And that is how to fry your baby thoroughbred's brain.

How to re-solidify baby tb's brain:

1. Take horse outside.

2. Let her graze.